


Forgive Me Not

by Shatterhand2049



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 18:08:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20568647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shatterhand2049/pseuds/Shatterhand2049
Summary: Kylo Ren feels a terrible loss through the Force and endures the agony of that loss.





	Forgive Me Not

"Mother..."  
  
Kylo Ren felt the ripple in the Force crash over him like icy water, soaking his raging heart and flooding his damaged soul. Its intensity and the torrent of raw emotion coupled with it overwhelmed him, and a sickening wave of dizziness caused him to grasp the nearest handrail in order to keep from reeling.  
  
He remained motionless for several seconds. To the many passersby in that particular corridor of the Finalizer, nothing seemed amiss. The officers and troopers carried on with their duties, unaware that a powerful man was coming undone.  
  
Soon, his hand began to ache, and Ren realized that he'd been gripping the handrail so forcibly that he'd nearly separated it from the bulkhead.  
  
"Supreme Leader?"  
  
A single officer, younger than him, had finally noticed Ren's odd behavior. "Is something wrong?"  
  
"Leave me be," Kylo replied dismissively, wrenching his hand from the rail and charging down the corridor, blocking all else from his mind as he sought complete privacy. When he'd finally reached his private chambers and the door hissed shut behind him, he staggered a few steps into the room before falling to his knees. His eyes were wide, bloodshot, moist with tears that he dared himself not to shed.  
  
The floodgates had opened. Memories were rushing in and washing Kylo Ren out to sea, leaving behind the scared, angry, confused and lonely young man that was Ben Solo. He was desperately fighting to maintain the rage that kept him bound to the Dark Side. It was no use, however; the tears he'd tried to suppress were now trailing freely down his cheeks.  
  
"No...no!" Ben shook his head and pounded his fist into the floor panel as aching sadness gripped his heart.   
  
On a pedestal in a corner of his chambers rested the charred, deformed helmet of Darth Vader, rescued from the Finalizer. Ben looked to it with pleading eyes. "Grandfather! Please...I can't feel this; I can't..."  
  
There would be no silent counsel from his fallen idol, however; no cold wisdom from the aether of the Dark Side to set his focus. He wanted to feel the same resentment and bitterness that had allowed his former Master to lure him to the Dark Side. It was no use. All Ben Solo could feel was the love of his mother, carried to him through the Force.  
  
"NO! No forgiveness!!! Don't you dare! I don't want this!!!" He nearly howled, all control of his emotions now lost. The battle that raged perpetually within his soul had stalemated. Grief and anger became one, and the man who would be Kylo Ren let out a mournful cry as he got back to his feet.  
  
His lightsaber was in his hands now, the ragged blade angrily sparking and blazing as he ruthlessly slashed and hacked through his chambers, leaving nothing fully intact. He sobbed bitterly for the life he'd wanted, nearly had, and then so carelessly discarded for the verbal poison of his former Master. He wept for the two people who loved him enough to still see good trapped within a monster. He even yearned for the comfort of Rey, the only one left in his life who'd tried to understand him and, for a fleeting moment, had seen the potential for redemption.  
  
As the haze of inconsolable grief and unrestrained fury lifted, he deactivated his lightsaber and stood in place, drained and numb, his chest heaving from exertion. His eyes stared into nothingness as the visions of his loving parents stepped once again into the shadows. For a fleeting moment, he wanted desperately to reach out to them, to somehow turn back the hands of time so he could choose to return home with his father, see his mother and feel her embrace once more.  
  
_If I could've had one more moment...one more chance..._  
  
A chime rang from the doorway. Someone was waiting to see him.  
  
The faces of his loved ones, smiling, so warm and understanding...fading...and gone, once again.  
  
"What is it?"   
  
The door opened, and General Hux stood in the entryway, taking a look around the ravaged living space. "So, you know, then...of General Organa's death."  
  
"Yes." The young Solo nodded, tension returning to his muscles. The facade of strength, of resilience took its form around him, and he was once again Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order. He turned to General Hux, his expression cold with grim acceptance.  
  
"Don't speak of her again."   
  
He followed the General out of his chambers. Just before the door closed, he turned to look back and at that moment, he was certain he'd seen the shimmering specter of Leia Organa-Solo, his mother, looking upon him in sadness.  
  
Kylo Ren forced his eyes away and let the door behind him, pausing for only a second more before walking onward, back to his seat of power, where the walls of rage that protected his shattered heart could quickly be rebuilt.


End file.
